Storm from the Shadows

I have an E-ARC (Electronic advanced readers Copy - sort of a pre-final edit version) of the very newest David Weber "Honorverse" novel; "Storm from the Shadows" It's the 2nd in the Saganami Island side series and It's GREAT.

Grandpa's Best Christmas Ever

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding!" "Who would buy that?"

Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a
standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger
in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Louise.' She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.


On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to
life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee
morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone. I
filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I
also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a
nearby tray. I went home and giggled for a couple of hours.


The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his
house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the
dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come
back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her
pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over
for the traditional Christmas dinner.


My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What
the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a
doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny
snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.
"Where's her clothes?" Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells
nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining
room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"
Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no
one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang
on Granny! Hang on!"


My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me
and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she
was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa
by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually
flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last
Christmas at home.


The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died,
who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a
noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in
the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and went out and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.

Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies.

I think Grandpa still calls her.

Because the more self-referential a Joke is, The funnier it is.

How many bloggers does it take to change a light bulb? 37 One to actually change the bulb and then blog about how it made them think about the effects of technology in our world, 11 to write 800 word responses to the blogger which a good editor would have boiled down to "Me,too." and 25 responders to write "You Suck"

Duh

Godwin was Right

Yet More D-I-Y Motivationals

Straight No Chaser

Straight No Chaser - 12 Days of Christmas

Super Hero?

Yes, I know you think of yourself as a superhero, valiantly defending the property rights of all, but everyone else just sees a bitter old man, yelling "Hey you kids. Get off my yard"

The Rules

And as always....Ignorance of the rules is no excuse.

The Daily D-I-Y Motivational

Anyone can be innovatively stupid. There's a reason it hasn't been done before.

The Daily D-I-Y Motivational

Ahhh, the sweet laziness that is a government job.

The Daily D-I-Y Motivational

The Daily D-I-Y Motivational

The Daily D-I-Y Motivational

The Daily D-I-Y Motivational

I'll do one of these Do-It-Yourself motivationals ( template for making them at despair.com)
a day. When I know who to credit, I will, Otherwise...Tough Luck.

It's AMAZING!

Always obey the Law

http://view.break.com/470403 - Watch more free videos


















The laws of physics are a merciless bunch,indeed

Proof that there is a God

...and on the seventh day he rested and watched Erin on the sidelines...

Trouble in Bloomington The Background

The Front fell Off

WHEEEEEEEEE

Just Because

Because nothing takes one's mind off the dead of winter like fireworks and a dead little bunny.

The New Year Defense

> you pick up
>
> xx
> Qxx
> Kxxxx
> xxx
>
>
>
> lovely, isn't it :> And you hear the auction proceed
>
> LHO Pard RHO You
> 1nt P 2C P
> 2D P 3nt All Pass
>
>
> Pard leads the SK and dummy hits with
>
>
> 5432
> xx
> AQJ
> KJxx
>
>
>
> Declarer ducks the 1st S and when pard continues with the 10. wins the A.
> At. trick 3 , declarer proceeds to run 4 C tricks ending in his hand (pard
> hi-lowed
> and showed out on the 3rd rnd discarding an unhelpful H spot and a D, while
> on the 4th C
> you discard.....what? Dummy is now
>
> xx
> xx
> AQJ
> ------
>
> and you are behind dummy with a card to play and
>
> -----
> Qxx
> Kxxxx
> -----
>
> Assuming you throw a D (you can signal with an odd spot if u wish, it can't
> possibly matter) you'll now have
>
>
> ----
> Qxx
> Kxxx
> ----
>
>
>
>
> Declarer proceeds with the HA and the HK
>
> Questions
>
> without looking back at the problem above, what is declarers distribution?
> How many points has he shown up with? What heart do you play under his 2nd
> heart trick?
>
>
> Enjoy ! :>
>
> and have a happy New Years!